Well, I'm not going to lie... I've been a bit stressed out. I love my job so i sometimes forget that it is definitely a job that some would call "stressful". I have to manage and coordinate everything I do, all of my supplies, all of my reading and intellectual contributions and on top of that, I carry out the actual experiments. I'm having a hard time seeing the end goal. I'm just not getting it... and frankly, its hard for me to go crazy with experiments when I'm having a hard time putting them into the "big picture". That's about all I've got. It's been affecting my sleep... which I am not used to... hopefully it will all work itself out. I know I'm capable of it, I'm just not sure that I'm all that interested in working 60+ hours a week for the rest of my life.
To be honest, I'm hoping it will be like water polo was for me. My first year and a half of water polo, just "getting" the game mentally wasn't working so well. Then, literally one day, in the middle of a tournment, I just "got it". I don't know what happened but something had clicked in my head and I became an unstoppaple machine in the pool. It was glorious. I still remember the exact game that it happened in. It was a night game, the last tournament game of the day, and the pool deck was quiet, not a huge crowd, and we could see the stars over the Poway HS pool. My coach had said that he had to do a double take to realize who it was out in the game swimming smart and catching stray passes with her left hand. That was an exciting time for me. And that was just sports... not my future career.
maybe I just need to find a groove...
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