Ammendum:I have altered this post (I may have been a bit emotional when I was writing that... I know- hard to believe huh?). I still feel the same way, but in the last couple of days I honestly feel like God has been showing me that friendships don't always look the same. Granted- I do desire to have deep relationships with people, but for now, while I'm so busy at work, what I have is exactly what I need. I never meant to imply that I don't have friends... that's quite the opposite. I have many friends... just none as deep or strong as the ones I left behind in CA. But, I do have people that I can hang out with and just let my hair down with and that is a blessing no matter how you look at it.
Original (but altered) Post:Sometimes I wonder… mostly because I don’t really understand human interactions… Recently, a person who I thought was a good friend just suddenly changed on me. Before I had gone to San Diego for my brother Craig’s wedding, we had been very close. I was so excited to have a friend that I felt like I connected with and enjoyed just hanging out with. When I came back 10 days later I knew her schedule was busy. But, something had changed. I was being shoved out. I don’t know why. Because I live an hour away? Because I’m not perfect? She recently told me that summer just isn’t what she expected it to be this summer (I think she’s a lot busier than she anticipated with work) but she also said that she was evaluating what her friendships should look like. And despite the fact that she still wants to be friends, I find myself incredibly hurt.
The truth is we were all created with a God-sized hole in our hearts. We were designed to be deeply connected with our God. Our hearts yearn for this connection. AND- get this- we were also designed to be in community with each other. But, this desire to be deeply connected with someone… with something- is supposed to be filled first with God. I’ll be the first to admit that my relationship with God is far from perfect. I sometimes struggle with spending time daily with him because occasionally I question whether He will actually fill this hole in my heart. God is supposed to be enough, but then why does my heart still yearn for deep relationships with others? Hmm. I will say this, something in me keeps getting back up for more.
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