At Fellowship Church, I am privileged to be a part of a small group that is reading I Became a Christian and All I Got Was a Lousy T-shirt (very entertaining and insightful on authentic Christianity and a life abiding in Christ) and a ladies group studying Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World (take away the “to-do’s” and focusing on what is really important).
Some of these things have been weighing heavily on my heart for some time now. I’ve been really wrestling with what my life should look like (both now and in the future). This has taken me on a few adventures that weren’t wrong, but they weren’t right either. I’ve been paying attention to this and learning from these adventures about where I should be and what I should focus on. This 3-day weekend, I had the privilege of hanging out with God and really thinking about the things that He has been teaching me these past couple of months. So here it goes…
The problem: I have the sick and twisted view that I can control why/when/how things will unfold in my life. Like many ladies, I have a deep desire to be married and have a family. Frankly, I’d really rather not be super old when this happens. So, when my last boyfriend and I broke up, after grieving, I panicked because here I am, in central Mass, with very few young, Christian men that meet my standards. (Yes dad, I’m aware that my standards are too high) : ) And, since I’m going to be here until I’m at least 28 (another 2 years) I thought, I need to take control of the situation and get out there and have a crazy-busy social life to increase the probability that I will meet someone great. Long story short, I did have a fun social life, and was volunteering my time in too many ways, but it came at a cost and I was beginning to get tired.
The painful pruning: During lent (the 40 days before Easter), I cut out a bunch of stuff. This includes almost everything that wasn’t necessary (which is God, work and exercise). I was being pulled in too many directions and I was going to snap if I didn’t change things urgently. This was by no means an easy task. I had to train myself to be content with where I am now, who I am, and what I’m doing out here in MA.
One of the major things that I cut out was going to a young-adults group with some super fun people down at a church just outside of Boston. I have one very good friend, Lynn that I have kept closely in contact with because she is a great sister!! But other than that, it was a bunch of acquaintances and a lot of driving that was totally unnecessary. It got cut. Other than Lynn and Whitney, most of my friends here in Worcester/Holden are engaged/married/married+kids with the inability to randomly hang out on a Friday or Saturday night. Lynn was busy; Whitney was out of town; so it was just me (or should I say me and God). Initially, I was unhappy with my lack of weekend plans, but reluctantly decided it was good since I had been sick all week. So, on Saturday I slept in, spent some time reading my Bible, went on a 17.4 mile bike ride, went to the driving range and putting green then did some more reading- all by myself. I had a great day.
The result: At the end of Saturday, I was sitting on my couch in a very quiet apartment and it was at this moment I realized that I was getting to the place that I had been praying for. A purposeful life that isn’t too busy which allows me to live in His presence as I pursue the things put in front of me. This is a life that doesn’t crowd out God’s leading (assuming, of course, that I am listening and following).
To be totally honest with you, I am so energized by this. I am so completely satisfied with where I am, what I’m doing, being single and pursuing God. In fact, for at least the next year or two, I really hope some boy doesn’t come along, messing all that up. I am stoked with life. I want to live life in the present, not always looking for the next thing/event/life stage. I want to enjoy this time of my life because really, I’m only gonna be here once... so my focus is on the present, trusting God with the rest. I am ready to truly abide. Man, that’s liberating!
2 comments:
Great post Michelle. I've always been fascinated by how much like addiction our need for business can be. The hardest thing is going cold turkey while you're figuring out how to live in a way that doesn't involve running from thing to thing to thing.
Michelle, thanks for sharing this post! What a great story this is! There are times that God uses to change our perspective on things and this story seems to be one of those times for you. It's a great post and I appreciate your candor in sharing it!
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